"That Nigga a Lame Anyway..."

So today, I'm perusing my baby's Facebook looking for something I can leave a comment on... (we're not a lovey-dovey couple by any means but I like to let her know I care about her via the Internet sometimes... LOL) Nicole is like a goddess to the people that know her... LOL... I always call them her "fans" so it's not unusual for me to go on her page and see a lot of traffic from both men and women... and me being the dude I am, I don't let the male attention really get to me because 1) as long as nobody gets out of pocket, I don't need to check them and 2) if someone DOES get out of pocket, Nicole will check that shit WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY before I even need to step in and handle the situation (one thing I absolutely love about her...)

*NOTE: I hate those chicks that will talk mad shit to some random dude out in public and then expect her man to handle the situation... I mean, it's one thing to protect her honor... if a dude gets out of his car because of some road rage*, I'll handle that... I mean, if he's planning to do physical harm to her, then I'm not going to stand by and let that happen... but if a chick is just going in on this dude and says to me "Yo, get your bitch..." don't expect me to whup this nigga's ass for disrespecting you when you were disrespecting him first... that's all I'm saying... now if the nigga is just being blatantly disrespectful, I'll handle that quick, fast and in a hurry but don't egg a nigga on and then expect for me to "fight your battle for you" so to speak...
OK, in any event, I'm on her page and I'm seeing these comments from a dude named Ricky**... now Nicole has told me about A Ricky but I wasn't sure if this was the same one or just some other Ricky... and like I said, me being the type of dude I am, I'm not just gonna go ham on some dude that MIGHT be the one who she was talking about... Ricky is Nicole's ex... a past nigga who I really see any point in acknowledging because he's a past nigga... and it's not on some "Oh, he's this and that and I'm better than him..." or anything like that I just don't acknowledge exes... it's beyond corny to me...

So to make a long story short, I see Ricky making some comments like he feels some type of way about what's going on between me and Nicole... little stuff like "Oh this is the dude you left me for?" and "That nigga a lame anyway..." Little silly shit that's not even for me to address... Nicole, God bless her, has dated what you would call "thugs" in the past... I don't know each one's story, so I'm not here to judge them... but I'm not what one would call a thug... at least not currently... I mean, I'm a college, internet-geek, book-reading type nigga to them... unbeknownst to most people, I actually come from an environment where I HAD to do violent things... I'd been in anger management twice by the age of 11... I've been in gangs... I've been in the middle of shootouts... I've had a very violent past... I mean, I haven't been stabbed or shot or sold drugs or anything like that (that's both by the grace of God and not being stupid in certain situations...) but my hood card is certifiably stamped... I don't talk about it because what's the point of bringing it up? It's lame to me... but I hate when a dude who's "in the streets" will try to call me out for being in college... I'm getting a degree so I don't HAVE to be in the streets...

But I digress, this dude commenced to telling Nicole that they had history (they were together off and on for eight years) and that I can't love her like he does... a whole bunch of regular nigga shit... but in any event, after he was finished saying what he had to say, Nicole deaded the situation... we had a good (couple) laughs about it last night and it's a wrap for dude... I guess I've just never understood this whole thing... I mean, with the exception of my last ex, I've never really tried to get outta pocket (and even that was mild by most accounts...) with me, usually once a relationship is over, I let it be over... I'm usually so relieved that I can go fuck, date, hang out with anybody I want to that I could really care less about what she and some other nigga are doing (sans my "I hope you get AIDS" comment from the last blog... LOL) I've just never been overly concerned with it...

Why is that when we're in a bad relationship (or friendship, for that matter) it's so hard to let go? I mean, sure we all see the potential in where a relationship can go... but when it's made clear that it won't go in that direction, shouldn't we be happy that it's ending? I know for me, I'm a hopeless romantic and often have plans of grandeur when it comes to each and every relationship... I tend to see the good in them... well I take that back... I see the good and the bad, I just tend to FOCUS on the good in them... but once the relationship ends, I think about how the relationship was going and it's like "why the hell did I even bother with her for so long...?" and i breathe a sigh of relief that I don't have to deal with such a stressful situation anymore... I guess the bad outweighs the good in most situations... I mean, even the one relationship I can say was completely my fault... I still say it's good that I got out of it because years later, she ended up showing her true colors as a friend and I couldn't do anything but THANK GOD OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER that she and I never had anything more than a two-month relationship...

I guess in the grand scheme of things, relationships happen the way they're supposed to... I can see where my past relationships have molded me into a better man for Nicole just as I'm sure some things from her past have made her a better woman for me...

I notice that my last post and this one included exes and they'll probably be my last... I really want this blog to focus more on me and the future Mrs. Hard Work and I feel like bringing exes into the fray just isn't the direction I wanna go with...

100.

*This story will be coming up in a blog very soon... it's meant to be funny so I don't want ya'll to think my girl's psycho... she's really sweet, just has a bit of a temper problem...

**Not his real name...

"So Why You Ain't Tell Me You Got a Girlfriend...?"

Why is it that when you get a new girlfriend, your exes pop up asking why you didn't get at them about it? LOL... like it's your duty to inform them of you moving on with your life? I mean it's one thing if ya'll still talking, still having sex, etc... but if I haven't talked to you in six months, what gives you the impression that I should just call you up and say "hey, just wanted to let you know, I'm dating someone new..."?

This post is going to be about exes and all the funny, rude, interesting things they've said to me since I've been with Nicole...


"So you love her now? I guess I ain't nobody to you no more..."
You were nobody to me before I loved her... LOL... my disdain for you comes not from having loved Nicole but from you acting like a huge bitch... two very independent facts that have nothing to do with each other...

"So you get a girlfriend and all of a sudden, you can't call nobody?"
I don't remember us talking in the year since we've broken up... you look on Facebook and see that I'm in a relationship and now all of a sudden, you're missing "what we had"? LOL... yeah, ok...

"I never stopped loving you... maybe if things don't work out with you and her, we can give it another chance..."
Ummmmmm... I'ma go with no... LOL... you had your chance to come back to me and didn't, so why would you choose to come back now just because I got a girl? You was nowhere to be seen when I was single... we broke up for a reason... and trust me, if me and Nicole were to break up, relationships will be the last thing from my mind as i would probalby turn into a huge man-whore...

"Well, I'm happy for you..."
This seemingly innocent quote is almost always full of sarcasm and evil... I mean, it's one thing if you're genuine about my happiness but when you just have that certain look in your eye or that twinge in your voice, I'ma always look at you sideways...


Why do exes always have that complex that you shouldn't be happy unless you're with them (even if they don't want you...) I'm guilty of this myself... I'll come across a picture of my ex with her new dude and will say "You bitch... I hope he gives you AIDS..." I know it's not right and I don't mean it (all the time) but why do we feel like our exes shouldn't be happy just because we weren't happy with them (or they weren't happy with us)?

"Octomom Can Mess Up Those Kids' Lives if She Wants... She Better Leave My Relationship Alone..."

"Baby, I feel ignored..."

Immediately, my eyes shoot up from my computer and over to Nicole... "why do you feel like that?"

"I just do."

"But why?"

"You just seem more concerned about your computer than me. You're not showing me any attention."

It's at this point that I close my computer.

Throughout our relationship together, Nicole has constantly told me how much she needs attention... and I get it... for whatever reason, women (at least the ones I know) need to know how pretty they are (everyday), how much they're loved (every hour) and much they need your attention (every five minutes)... clearly, I don't understand why it's necessary for a relationship to work but I still do it... (NOTE: this can prove to be detrimental as some women go by this thing I call the Ten Percent Principle which means that no matter how much attention they're given, they always want ten percent more... this usually leads to an argument about how you don't care enough and involves them stomping off... if one doesn't speak up, then they assume that this behavior is prudent and will stomp off and complain everytime they don't get their way... also known as The "Give-Them-an-Inch, They-Take-a-Mile" Conundrum...)

But I'm digressing... for the past hour, Nicole has had us watching this special on Octomom, Nadya Suleman... frankly, this chick is bonkers... I knew that before watching this special on FOX but Nicole seemed like she really wanted to watch it, so we watched it... albeit, her more attentively than me... I spent a good part of the hour reading blogs and looking at Facebook... I would make comments about what was going on (which was nothing more than general nonsense from what I observed) which would stifle little more than a laugh or a "I know right..." outta Nicole and then I would go back to doing what I was doing...

About 45 minutes into this, Nicole is on the phone but starts complaining about her stomach hurting and like I always do, I go over and rub her stomach... after a few minutes, I get up to go to the bathroom and when I get back, she's changed positions, taking up every inch of the couch and looking at the ceiling... so it's at this point, that I go back to my computer... after the show goes off, I turn it to the Preview Channel so she can find something else to watch and continue reading blogs...

This is when I get the whole "baby, I feel ignored" comment... and I don't understand it... to me, ignoring someone is when they're talking to you and you pay them no attention like they're not even there... that's not what's going on here... she hasn't said anything and neither have I... however, knowing that she feels neglected, I close my laptop and try to make small talk... I ask about a friend of hers whose grandmother has been sick... nothing... I ask if said friend came into work today... all I get is a "Mm-mmm..." then I asked if she went by the neighborhood office of the townhouse we're trying to move into which garners another "mm-mmm..." and it's at this point that I'm getting frustrated... and usually when I get frustrated, I shut down... not to be a jerk but simply to keep from getting more and more frustrated which will lead to me getting angry... Nicole, however, looks at this as me not caring enough to try to fix the problem... so tonight, I try to do this... I tell her that I didn't realize she felt ignored and that it wasn't my intent... of course, this leads to more silence and then she tells me "it's not a big deal and I'm not mad... let's just drop it..." which in Nicole-speak means "It's a big fucking deal... I AM mad and if you drop it, I'm going to kill you..." I try to show her that I don't want her to feel that way but it falls on deaf ears... she's turned over and isn't paying me any attention but still feels the need to tell me "she's not mad..."

I tell her that the only reason I was on my computer was that I didn't really want to watch this Octomom special which causes her to bring up this past Monday... obviously, I'm a guy which means that Mondays to me are reserved for two things: wrestling and Monday Night Football (which is finally back, thank God) However, these two things are not things that Nicole finds interesting so usually, I just take the L and catch up on Saturday nights with wrestling (when they replay Monday Night RAW) However, she knows that I am a big Panthers fan and they were on MNF so she didn't protest when I was watching... I also flipped back and forth between that and wrestling and all the while, she made dinner... around 10:30, she started complaining about how much longer it would be on and I realized my time had expired but I was cool all the same... she'd let me watch it uninterrupted for almost three hours... I was good... not to mention she'd cooked as well so I wasn't going to complain much...

So at this point, I ask how that's the same thing and she shuts down again... if she's assuming that because in the time that we've known each other, she's let me watch wrestling without complaining just this once, that I'm supposed to watch every little thing she wants me to, then she's got another thing coming... this goes into Family Guy (another show, which she apparently used to like but doesn't now) and now I'm really lost...

Let it be known that I watch a million things that Nicole likes that I wouldn't otherwise watch... this includes The First 48, Hawthorne and Making His Band on MTV just to name a few... the difference is, I don't whine and complain about not being entertained... just as I didn't with this whole Octomom situation... I didn't need a documentary to tell me that chick was off, I've known ever since she popped out those kids... if she wanted to watch, that was fine but I don't see why I had to be forced to watch it... even still, I made an effort to be entertained and made conversation about it... yet, she feels that I'm ignoring her? I don't get it...

This, of course, leads to Nicole giving me the silent treatment for the rest of the night and for once, it genuinely bothered me... I tried again to start up a conversation and was shut down... it was at this point, that I just went into the kitchen and cleaning up in order to keep from going the fuck off... I figured it'd also be a peace offering as it was something else she wouldn't have to do... boy was I wrong...

After putting the last dish in it's proper place, she comes in angry talking about how I threw away a bag that had some money in it and how she had to dig through the trash for it... now, had I remembered doing this, I would have apologized... but since I didn't, I asked her what bag she was talking about... and besides, she's never put money in the bag before... it either goes straight to her wallet or in her pocket... but this one time she puts it in there, she expects me to look inside first? Once again, I'm simply lost as she mumbles a response and retreats upstairs...

It was at this point, that I just considered it a lost cause... because it's no longer about her being ignored... she just wants to be angry and if that's what she wants, then fine... I'm not going to rack my brain about it... I finish cleaning up and contemplate if it's worth going through this nonsense for the next hundred years... sometimes, I just can't win for losing...

I hate Octomom.

"Girl, It's So Smoooooth and So Cream-ayyyy... You Got That Butt(er) Luv, Bab-ayyyyyyy..."

It started over butter...

Yeah, butter... somehow, an innocent quip about there not being any butter in the house led to a two-hour standoff about the problems of our relationship... I hate when this happens... for those that don't know, I'm not usually as excitable as I am in these blogs... I'm not passive aggressive by any means but it just takes a lot to get under my skin... I'm docile for the most part... I can understand how you, the reader, might get this confused as I come off as very lively when I post about what and how I'm feeling but your favorite blogger, your boy Hard Work, isn't overly aggressive... so this is why this argument made zero sense to me...

I'll set up the scene:
It's an early morning and, as usual on mornings, I want to make the wifey some breakfast... I ask her if she's hungry and before she answers, I remember we don't have any butter... which means we can't have that great French toast she loves so much because I refuse to use anything else (I'm just adamant about ingredients when it comes to food sometimes... LOL) so when I confess to her that we don't have any butter, she asks why didn't I remind her when she went to the store last night... I jokingly respond with this:

"I honestly forgot all about it... in my defense, I put it on the list..."

This, in turn, makes her proceed to go the fuck off... it's at this point, that I'm trying to figure out what's wrong and she tells me that she's making it seem like it's her fault... I ask her why she thinks I think it's her fault and it goes back to my whole "in my defense..." statement...

Now, I understand that if she didn't know me, how that would seem like I was blaming her... usually when somebody says "in my defense" they're placing the blame onto someone else... so it's perfectly reasonable for her to think that... if she didn't know me... unlike my beautiful future wife, I have no problem taking the blame for something if I did it... Nicole, however, will never accept the blame for anything... if she's angry, it's because someone made her that way, not because she's just angry... anytime we argue, it's constantly MY fault which I don't totally agree with (NOTE: I do however accept the fact that I usually make things worse but I don't agree that I'm the primary source of arguments...) So, when I said "I honestly forgot about it..." to me that's ME taking the blame for it (coupled with the fact that while I did write up a list, I never gave it to her...)

So in my mind, it's over... she misunderstood something I said, I corrected what she thought... everything should be good now...

No... no, not by a long shot...

This is when her favorite quote is presented: "It's not what you say, it's how you say it..." I understand this in the concept of someone you've never met before... like if I'm on the street and I'm rocking some kicks that aren't so fresh and somebody says to me "Nice shoes..." depending on how they say it, I could take it a couple ways... now they could see my sneakers and if they're a shoehead, they might see that I'm rocking a pair of vintage sneaks and think they're dope... if they're some kid who's always concerned with what's the newest thing out, they might look at what I have on and be trying to crack jokes... but like I said, that's something that's necessary if you don't know someone...

When you know someone, however, this becomes a little clearer... at least in my opinion... like I mentioned earlier, I'm not an aggressive person... I can be sarcastic but my tone is so recognizable that you KNOW when I'm being sarcastic... so whenever I hear Nicole tell me "it's how you say it, not what you say" it frustrates me to no end... for one, if I say something, then it's how I feel... period... I'm not one of those people that say "Nothing's wrong" when something clearly is... if I'm mad, I'll say it... if I'm happy, I say it... so I don't understand why Nicole would feel compelled to think about what I was TRYING to say instead of what I just said...

Even if the case is that you believe I was trying to say something, when I tell you that I'm not saying that and am, indeed, saying something else, that should end the argument... not make you madder...

And this is where the argument took off... I'll spare you the details but it includes her not feeling appreciated, ME not feeling appreciated, Basic Relationship Communication Problems 101 and a bunch of other things that need not be spoke of...

And to think... it all started over butter...

"Counting Sheep Doesn't Work..."

Sleep is underrated... and I say that because you don't realize how much you need sleep until you don't get enough of it...

I am the world's WORST sleeper... well, I take that back... I'm the world's worst sleeper to be around... Nicole is truly a trooper... every night, this woman sleeps next to me and never complains... not even once...

When it comes to sleeping, Nicole and I are polar opposites... Nicole gets cold easily, so at night, she's already under the blanket two seconds after we lay down... she falls asleep quickly, moving maybe once or twice to get comfortable and then she simply sleeps soundly until it's time to wake up the next day...

As for your favorite blogger, Hard Work? LOL... I get HOT easy as hell... and one thing that I cannot do is sleep while I'm hot because I just wake up every five minutes irritable as fuck... so the room HAS to be at least a little cool... this is already a conflict... (we've actually worked out a happy medium though... we keep the ceiling fan on, she sleeps under the covers and I sleep on top until I get cold enough to slip under the covers...) my next issue is falling asleep quickly... I simply can't... no matter how tired I am, I have to lay in bed for at least 45 minutes before I fall asleep and that's a good night... most nights, it's closer to two hours... I just have too many different things swirling around in my head that it's hard for me to just clear my mind and fall asleep... it sucks... the next issue? I move around... ALOT... lol... it just takes a lot for me to get comfortable... my pillow has to be a certain way... my arm has to be a certain way... my head has to lay a certain way or I'm just not comfortable... so while Nicole is over there just laying, I'm moving all over the place, shifting back and forth, turning from side to side, one leg off the bed, then both off the bed, then both BACK ON the bed... just craziness... the next issue is that I can't ever seem to stay asleep... EVER... most nights, I'll knock out only to wake up an hour and a half later, unable to go back to sleep... so I usually get up and go watch TV until I feel sleepy again, four hours later...

The last, most important and most annoying sleeping habit of mine is this: I SNORE... incredibly loud... I get it from my grandmother and for whatever reason, we are the only two people besides my uncle who snore... my uncle's isn't as wall-shaking as the two of us though... we can truly wake the neighborhood up... LOL...

So even with all these differences, Nicole puts up with it just to lay next to the man she loves... the crazy part is she actually HATES when I don't sleep in the bed with her... I think it's insane because if I was a normal person who had to lay next to me, I'd hate myself... I don't know if that made ANY sense but I think ya'll get what I'm saying...

I'm making this post to shout out everybody who puts up with the annoying habits of their significant other... I know it's not always easy but when you make it seem like it is, it makes the relationship that much stronger...

100.

"It Was the Best of Times... It Was the Worst of Times..."

The Best of Times
This past Thursday evening, girlfriends, wives, baby-mommas, fiancees and jump-offs across the world let out a collective sigh...

at 12:01 AM, Madden 10 was released for Xbox 360, Playstation 2 & Playstation 3...

Men all over the world rejoice every year when this game is released... I'm no exception... I have a love-hate relationship with Madden... I love to play but I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE to lose... I'm a sore loser and an even worse winner... I don't know what it is about Madden that turns men into such crazed idiots... and before the collective "it's just a game" rains out from every corner of the globe, let me say this:

"It is MORE than a game..."

Madden transcends games... checkers is a game... Madden is an EXPERIENCE... but anyway, let me move on because I'm getting off task... Nicole, being the amazing girlfriend that she is, purchased Madden 10 for me this year... at first, I thought it was insane... girlfriends everywhere loathe mid-August for the simple fact that they know they will have to succumb to dates being cancelled, boyfriends showing up late and just generally being ignored until sometime around October... so when Nicole purchased this game, I was surprised even though she had already told me she would do it... didn't she know what she was getting herself into? I am ADDICTED to Madden... why would she buy me something that's going to ultimately take time away from her? And Nicole is craves attention... buying this game is a direct conflict of everything she wants, needs and desires... it's the equivalent of loaning your boyfriend money to go to the strip club... LOL... this is an activity that is going to take up hours of his time and leave less time for you... but in any event, I couldn't be mad at her... even though she did have me out at the mall for hours on end...


The Worst of Times...
We'd been at the mall for at least two hours... it shouldn't have taken that long... no, seriously, it shouldn't... the best thing about Nicole is that she reminds me of my mother... the worst thing about Nicole is that she reminds me of my mother... my mother is the type of person who goes to Wal-mart for two things, gets inside, purchases those two things, fifteen other things and then looks around for another 30 minutes at other things she knows good and well, she's not going to buy... Nicole is the same way... it's something I've NEVER been able to figure out...

I'm not a fun person to shop with... why? Because I want to get in, get out... if I'm shopping for sneakers, it takes me maybe 15 minutes because a) I already have some semblance of what I want before I even step foot inside, b) if what I want isn't readily available, I have two or three back-up options and c) if said options aren't there either, I just fucking leave... my mom and Nicole would much rather look around and "see what else they have..." and this irks me to no end because most of the time, nothing is ever bought and it turns into a big waste of time...

So again, we're at the mall... she's there to get her nephews some sneakers and Madden... THAT'S IT... the first two stores we walk into have the sneakers she's looking for... bam... let's get the shoes, hit Gamestop and bounce... nah... it's not that simple... we go to every other shoe store in this mall (which I'm quite sure had close to 46 of them) just to do what? You guessed it... go right back to the same two stores we hit up in the first 15 minutes of our trip... now, I'm all for taking one for the team so it didn't even bother me... it is what it is... I understand that some women just like to be out and about at the mall doing God-knows-what...

The thing that got me irritated was when after all this walking around, we head into a FootAction (Store #2) to get her oldest nephew's shoes... a plain black pair of Nikes... on the strap is a little smudge... now me, I understand the importance of a spotless sneaker... GOD KNOWS I DO... however, I'm a grown-ass man... if I pay $150 for some sneakers, they damn well BETTER be spotless... these sneakers sold for $30 (or so we thought... more on that in a second...) and had one little smudge on the REMOVABLE strap... the way I see it, let's take the strap off, keep it moving... Nicole goes back and forth in her mind on whether to get it... the manager comes over and says "I can see it's a problem... I'll take 10% of the purchase..." sounds like a deal to me... it's only three bucks but fuck it, let's make a move...

Finally she consents, we go to the front, pay for the shoes and we're halfway out the door when it happens... IT FUCKING HAPPENS... she looks at the receipt... not only did the manager NOT take off the 10% but charged her $40 which is the correct price of the shoe... someone marked it wrong... this is what ended up fucking up my entire night... I say "it's not a big deal... we're talking ten bucks... let's just go... we're halfway out the door..." Nicole ponders it over in her head... says "no... I need her to pay the price that's on this tag..." At this point, I'm not irritated, I'm just ready to go... I feel like we've wasted enough time in this mall, why can't we just leave already? She says she wants to take care of it and I let out a sigh...

This is when she tells me to just go to the car since I already have the keys... since I'm already tired, I'm more than happy to oblige... so I say "aight, I'm going to the car" and I walk to the parking lot, let the windows down and take a seat... almost immediately, I feel my phone vibrate and pick it up... it's Nicole...

"Where are you?"

Surprised that she asked me this when we'd just had the conversation about where I was going, I just simply say "I'm in the car..." I wait a few seconds and hear nothing... "Hello?" There's no answer on the other end... I call back and get no answer...

My first thought is "awwwwwwwwwww shit... here we go..." She gets to the car and before she even says anything, I say "Hey I thought you heard me when I said I was going to the car... I wasn't trying to leave you..." to which she answers "Just give me my keys..."

I hand her her keys and immediately, I can tell she's pissed... she thinks I got mad and just left her... but she literally TOLD me to go to the car... and I replied back, I'm going to the car... so now she does what she usually does when she gets mad... she calls one of her friends and has this merry conversation... I mean, she just yuks it up... suddenly, everything is hilarious and she's in the best mood... meanwhile, I get the silent treatment, the nasty looks, the under-the-breath comments... of course she does this to get under my skin, but to be quite honest, it doesn't bother me in the least bit... it would bother me a hell of a lot more if we just sat in silence or I was trying to get her to talk to me and she ignored me... so in the midst of her carrying on this conversation with whoever she's talking to, I fall asleep... I hadn't slept in close to 29 hours and considering we'd just trekked all over the mall and she wasn't doing anything to keep me awake, I nodded off...

When I awoke we were at Food Lion... she was looking for her wallet and this is how I KNOW she's really pissed because whenever she's mad she has a fit of temporary blindness and can't seem to find anything even though it's in plain sight... I pick it up to hand it to her and she snatches it from me and then says under her breath "take your ass back to sleep..." and exits the vehicle... at this point, I do just that... I ho-hummed my ass back to Slumberland...

When she returns, I'm still sleepy but not asleep so I just keep my eyes closed until we get back home... once inside, I put the groceries away as she retreats upstairs to go to bed...


The Best of Times...
Upstairs, I try to talk to her... after such a tiring day, she's just as tired as me and she's half-awake, half-asleep but I figure it's better to talk it out now, then sleep on it and deal with it in the morning... that's how you get stabbed in your sleep...

HW: "Babe, I wasn't trying to leave you in the store... I thought you heard me when I said I was going to the car..."
Her: "I didn't hear you say anything... you just left me..."
HW: "I didn't JUST leave you... I went to the car like I said I was... it was YOUR suggestion that I go in the first place..."
Her: "If you were that sleepy, then you should've just stayed home..."
HW: "It's not like I was THAT sleepy, just ready to go... but I wasn't mad or anything... I thought you heard me when I said I was leaving... I wasn't trying to leave you in the store though..."
Her: "Ok..."

This "ok" is hard to read... I can't tell if she's still mad or if things are cool... I hop in the shower and decide that when I get out, I'll just lay down and see what happens... after a quick shower, I throw on some shorts and a tee and get in the bed... she moves over next to me and I put my arm around her... things are back to normal... *sweet slumber*

"Hater Niggas Marry Hater Bitches and Have Hater Kids..."

Today I was talking to one of my dearest and oldest friends, Christina... Christina is the person who always keeps me grounded... always keeps me laughing... always keeps me thinking... even though I haven't seen her in God knows when (completely my fault... LOL) I still feel like we're close simply because I know when I do see her, there won't be any lag... that's just how our relationship is... it's not like family members you haven't seen in a while where there's that whole "so what you been up to lately?" conversation that should lead to 40 minutes of unending updates but ultimately leads to a nonchalant sigh and a "nothing muuuuuuuch man... sheeeeeeet... just LIFE!" and a "worrrrrd... I hear dat" response and just like that, the conversation has come to a standstill...

But I digress...

I was telling Christina about this blog and her first flag went up... "Whoooooooa... you sure you wanna do that...? That could be dangerous... you should keep relationship matters between you and your girl..." I explained to her that it was more of an outlet of all the things involved with my relationship than a brash comedy piece about how much she gets on my nerves... she then explained to me that some hater could catch a whiff of a day when things aren't so pleasant and try to turn that around on me in an attempt to squeeze the happiness out of my home...

First off, FUCK HATERS.

Period... I know some people revel in the hate they give others... nothing's ever good enough... nothing ever tastes sweet enough... no amount of money is enough... they're always the ones that say "It's aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiight but it ain't no __________" To me, it's a truly sad existence... and luckily for me, I can sense haters from a mile away... I'm not always a good judge of people (my track record with women is damn near embarrassing...) but I can sense a hater... it's in their scent... it's in their face... it's in the way they walk, the way they talk... almost nothing gets under my skin as much as a hater ass nigga...

Secondly, HATERS CAN'T MAKE ME DO A MOTHERFUCKING THING...

Me and Nicole have had this conversation before... she feels like bringing other people (read: haters) into our relationship can cause them to get in my ear and convince me that the best thing to do anytime there's a little argument is to leave; therefore, somehow controlling my mind and making me think that I'm not a better man for having met Nicole and that I should be without her and instead, be with them...

Let's stop the nonsense right here... let me go on record here and say that "I love Nicole..." Nothing no person, place, thing, cyborg or alien could do, say, convey or insinuate could make me change that... are there days when I wanna say "Fuck you Nicole!" leave and never allow my Sidekick to dial her number again? Of course... is it because some hater said to do it? No! She's responsible for that mindset at the time... (NOTE: it quickly passes... after a few minutes, I'm back to boyfriend mode and I just want us to stop arguing and get back to being the great couple that we are...)

You have to be a weak-minded individual to let some other person dictate what goes on in your life... I mean it's one thing to take heed to someone's advice... it's quite another to let them manipulate you into doing something you have no business doing... me being the person I am, I tend to analyze, re-analyze, overanalyze situations before I make a decision... my happiness is one of those things that I'm not used to having... it took me a good 22 years to achieve a positive outlook on life (I'm 24, btw...) so the last thing I'm going to do is let someone take that happiness from me...

I almost feel insulted that two of the three women closest to me would think that I would allow such foolishness to occur... but I understand that they have my best interests at heart and only want to look out for me... and for that, I can't help but be grateful and love them even more for it... I understand how some niggas can be "manipulated" (I put that in quotations because I really don't believe that's what it is) into thinking some other chick is better for them than the current one they're fucking with but that's THEIR situation... this is MY life... this is OUR life... I don't mind input but dumb ass comments like "You should just leave her ass... I been feeling you for a while anyway... you should give us a chance... I'm not like her or any of the others" lets me know one thing... you're not a friend or a confidant... you're a filthy, skunk-ass hater...

100.

"Potato Bread and Mayonnaise..."

It's amazing how a relationship can make you try things that you just know you wouldn't try otherwise... for me, it was mayonnaise... for her, it was potato bread... under regular circumstances, I'm willing to try anything but only under request... Nicole, however, will turn up her nose at some things if it sounds like anything she's not used to...

When it comes to mayonnaise, I've never preferred it to Miracle Whip... NEVER... I mean, sure I'd put it on my sandwiches at Subway but only because Miracle Whip isn't readily available there (get on THAT Jared and stop making these silly ass commercials... we get it nigga, you lost the weight... congratuations... now make it happen!) To me, Miracle Whip is the best thing to come between two slices of bread next to sliced provolone and smoked turkey... Nicole HATES it... however, since she's currently in a much higher tax bracket than I, she buys the groceries... which means, we're getting mayo (which she loves) and not Miracle Whip... now another guy would bitch, moan, complain and be a general asshole about something he likes/doesn't likes... Me? I take one for the team... however, in the four months, we've been together, I've learned to tolerate it... it will never replace Miracle Whip (and once my money situation is poppin' like it supposed to be, trust and believe, it will be added to the "essentials" part of the grocery list...) but I can deal with it being on my sandwiches, burgers, etc. etc.

Last weekend, we bought potato bread... let me make a statement... I make INCREDIBLE French toast and it's due majorly to the potato bread that I use to make it... Nicole couldn't wrap her head around this fact... to her, bread is pretty much bread in the realm of French toast... I could use the end pieces of some week-old pumperknickel and it probably wouldn't make much of a difference to her... that opinion was CHANGED upon her first bite into my succulent French toast however... today I was working on the grocery list for our weekly run to Wal-mart to re-up on vittles and I asked if there was anything she needed me to add... her answer straight up shocked the shit outta me... the only thing she requested:

Potato bread.

That made me think about all the other things she's brought to my life that I was missing beforehand... she has truly become my best friend... she's become more than somebody to lay on top of, more than somebody to cook my meals, more than just "my girl..." she's become the silent cheerleader on all things related to me... she's become my personal stylist, my favorite comedienne, my fantasy woman... and the crazy thing is, she's not even halfway done... it's amazing how some things as random as potato bread and mayonnaise can make you think about how much a relationship adds character to your life as an individual...

100.

"I Love When She Surprises Me..."

This morning, Nicole woke up late...

It's my fault for many reasons... for one, late last night while we were laying in bed, rather than providing her with late-night coitus damn-near guaranteed to make her fall asleep for hours or simply laying quiet until she drifted off to sleep, I wanted to talk about our future... I told her I was worried about my humility... some pillow talk huh?

People have always told me how humble I am... to me it's easy to be humble when you don't have shit and I've never had much... however, I know that I'm destined for amazingly abundant successes in the next few years and I worry if with that great success will come great humility... I worry that I'll become one of those snobbish people that I always see around... people that get a degree or a good job and all of a sudden, they're on some other shit that somehow disallows them the privilege of my company because I'm "not on their level..."

This simple thought led to a two-hour discussion on different aspects of our futures together... on the surface that's a great thing buuuuuuuuuut while I can sleep the day away (one more week of summer vacation FTMFW), Nicole has a job to go to in the morning... but sometimes, when things are on your mind, it's best to just get them out rather than let them fester...

It's also my fault because after she fell asleep around 3:30, I came downstairs to watch a little television and do some late-night reading... at 6:00 AM when I usually lumber upstairs to lay with her until she fully awakes at 6:45 to shower, get dressed and go to work, I stayed downstairs reading... it wasn't until 7:15 that I realized she hadn't gotten up yet... I raced up the stairs to inform her of the time and she jumped up and into the shower...

Afterwards, she came downstairs to finish getting dressed, all while catching a few segments of SportsCenter before a kiss and an "I love you" had her out the door...

These are the times when I love her the most... because I know of her attitude (she definitely has one... LOL) and my penchant for fucking up, it's always a moment of hesitation to correct a situation when I've fucked up... I know this is backwards ass thinking by some of you, as it's seemingly common sense to correct a situation as quickly as possible but I always think about the consequences and how I can get out of it unscathed... what if she gets mad? What if she starts talking about how I'm always fucking up? What if it just leads to a big yelling match about nothing? Do I really wanna deal with that? I could just fake it like I fell asleep downstairs and then she wouldn't have anyone to blame but herself...

Every couple has their differences but one of our biggest comes to our differing opinions on what's important and what's not... most times when I think something isn't worth getting all upset over, she feels it's necessary to go OVERBOARD with it... it's like we're always tugging at two ends... case in point... say we're trying to figure out what we want for dinner... I'm not a picky eater by any means... I could literally eat the same thing everyday for a week and it wouldn't phase me in the least... Nicole, however, can't stand to eat the same thing for two nights in a row... LEFTOVERS BE DAMNED... clearly variety matters to her... so whenever she asks what I want to eat, my response is usually "it really doesn't matter... I'm down for whatever..." let it be noted that when I say this, I GENUINELY and WHOLEHEARTEDLY mean it... I'm not doing this to appease a woman who wants what she wants when she wants it... I'm not doing this to be a yes-man... I'm doing it because I don't really have an opinion and whether she asks me or not, I know she's already decided in her head what she wants... however, my honest response will always lead to a discussion...

HW: "It doesn't matter babe... I'm down for whatever..."
Her: "Well, just throw something out there..."
HW: "What about Chinese?"
Her: "Nah, I'm not really feeling that..."
HW: "How about some fish and chicken from JJ's?"
Her: "Ehhh... I had chicken earlier in the week... don't really want that..."
HW: "Well, babe what do you want?"
Her: "I don't know... just pick something..."
HW: "How about KFC?"
Her: "Nah..."

It's at this point that I want to throw something at her... what is the point of this conversation...? clearly you want something in particular and I don't care, so why can't YOU just pick a place and let's go there? But I digress... I've clearly gotten off subject...

Back to this morning, I was more than pleasantly surprised at her demeanor... it could have easily steamrolled into me not being responsible enough to wake her up or how I was too busy caught up in my own world to give a damn about hers... instead, it was just a quick "oh shit, let me hurry up and get dressed..." No blame was passed (a TRULY rare occurence) and your boy HW was left alive to blog another day... it could be just because it's Friday or because she's getting off early today but because of her penchant to get an attitude quick (remind me to tell you all about a story involving laundry detergent, Wal-mart and two SLOOOOOOOOOOW-moving people... LOL) I always appreciate when she can take the calm route... plus she made it to work on time... all's well that ends well...

100.

"How the She and the I Became Us..."

If you've reached this blog by way of my original blog, then this is probably information you know already (at least most of it) so this might seem like a bit of re-do for some of ya'll... if you've arrived here simply by luck, then I advise you to pull up a seat and read The She and I That is Us...


Nicole and I have dated for a little over four months... I've never been really good at relationships... even though I am the quintessential "good guy" that every woman clamors for (incredibly considerate, well-mannered, in college, won't cheat, won't beat on you, will cook YOU dinner and clean up without much fuss, etc. etc.) I have never had a relationship longer than seven months... most end around the three-month mark which has led to a life of me having random hook-ups, falling for the wrong girl, dealing with heartbreak and chasing exes...

Last year, I hit rock bottom... in life, in love, in EVERYTHING... my entire life was in shambles... my ex woke me up one morning and told me that she was having feelings for her ex to which I replied "what do you want to do...?" This led to me telling her to go back to her ex because the last thing I wanted was for a girl I was planning on committing my life to was having her play The Halfway Game... this is where your body, your mind and part of your heart might be with me but yet, there's a part of you that longs to be with that other nigga... needless to say, she ended up going back with this dude and THAT SHIT HURT, B... I mean, in a way, yes it's my own fault... I basically told her to go back to this dude... in my defense, she was supposed to say "No, fuck that nigga... you're a good dude... I'ma ride for you..." (NOTE: this was in no way, shape or form, a perfect relationship... we were always arguing, so at the time, I guess it would make sense for her to go back to an ex so she wouldn't have to deal with me... didn't stop it from hurting though... LOL)

So we broke up... around this same time, I had to move back home to live with my family... this is when the regret swooped in... I wanted her back... I was ready to forgive her, ready to work on us, ready to BE us again... she wasn't having it... at least not the relationship part... we did some things that we probably shouldn't have and that led to a nigga feeling even more confused but it was all for naught... I did what I could to get over her... but my heart was still in a fucked up place...

Around this time, I met another young lady... and she was EVERYTHING I was looking for... beautiful, smart (babygirl was working on her doctorate!), funny, sex was BANANAS, but she was grounded... she was humble... we clicked on so many things... this is when it became apparent to me that she was the one... she had to be... she was the best woman I'd ever come across... and she actually spent time talking to me... me of all people... I couldn't do anything but thank God for sending me this beautiful woman... we talked about everything from marriage to kids to meeting her mom... she's actually the one who convinced me to go back to East Carolina and was a major force in getting things in order for me... but as is usual with me, things didn't happen like I wanted them to...

We had just spent the entire weekend together... everything went great... I met her sister and her future brother in law as well as some other friends... when I returned back home, all of a sudden she was hard to reach... when we did talk, things just seemed off... not bad just different... days later, she told me she had prayed to God about us and God told her, I wasn't the one...

Say what?!?

Now let me explain... I understand a person's belief in God because I have my own personal beliefs... but for some reason, this just didn't sit right with me... like... it's cool if that's what it is but is that really the explanation you're going to give me? Tell me you're fucking somebody else... tell me I'm just not what you're looking for... tell me that your friends and family didn't like me... tell me I suck in bed... don't tell me that God told you not to be with you though... what can I do with that? I can't argue... I can't plead my case... I can't do anything but accept it (still working on it, might I add... LOL)

Needless to say, after already dealing with my ex leaving me for another dude and now having God tell the woman that I just KNEW I would be going down on one knee for in the near future that I wasn't the one, I was a broken man... I'm talking sledgehammer to a knee cap type broken... it was more than just the usual, I'm-done-with-relationships type shit that we're all known to spew right after a relationship goes awry... it got to the point where I was really on some "fuck-bitches-get-money" type shit and that's not even my steez... I've always been a hopeless romantic... I was always a relationship guy (even though random sex never fazed me... LOL) and here I was heartbroken and not seeing an end to this long chain of bad relationships... girls were throwing themselves at me just wanting to be Mrs. Hard Work but I wasn't even trying to hear that shit...

So I started just meeting chicks... not necessarily having sex with them... just going out on dates, doing whatever to pass the time... during this period of time, I met Nicole... and we hardly had the fairy tale beginning... what was crazy about her is that at the time I met her, she didn't seem overly excited in my goodnaturedness like most women... I'm used to the "You're such a good man... you have your head on straight... you're not like all these other niggas out here looking for sex" response when I'm with a chick... to Nicole, she was kinda indifferent... not like she treated me badly... she just treated me like I was any other nigga and it kinda threw me off... LOL... I mean, I wasn't expecting her to just fawn all over me or anything but she didn't seem like she even cared...

This led to the beginning of our relationship... she treated me indifferently, so in turn, I treated her the exact same way... this proved to be detrimental because at the times where she needed me to be excited about something, I wouldn't be (although in my defense of dealing with the heartbreaks, I wasn't excited about anything)... this led to her thinking I didn't care about her which wasn't true at all... I generally cared about her... not to the point where I felt like we needed to be in a relationship but I definitely wanted her to be in my life...

At this point, I headed back to school... I moved in and was more than ready to meet some new people in an attempt to get past this whole phobia of dating and try it one more time... but not with Nicole... LOL... I mean, yeah, she was cool but there was no way I could be with a chick like her... she was just one of those unappreciative chicks who thought everybody should worship the ground she walked on and I couldn't really fuck with that... not to mention she'd be an hour and some change away and I didn't even have a fucking car... I surely wasn't going to be wasting my refund check money on bus rides back and forth when there were more than enough females in walking distance of my dorm room... sure we could still talk on the phone, text back and forth but a relationship? Nah, not happening...

This all came to a head one night in late January... me and Nicole had been talking for about an hour and for whatever reason, my responses weren't giving her the reassurance she needed that I really liked her as much as she felt was necessary... in my mind, we weren't in a relationship, so I didn't owe her any extra attention... this led to an argument about how I didn't care enough and late into the night, my dorm room was filled with "I DO FUCKING CARE!" and "HOW COULD YOU SAY SOME SHIT LIKE THAT?!?" until around three in the morning... my roommate Darren was yucking it up the whole time because he thought that shit was funny... but I was seriously pissed... if it's one thing I can't stand it's when a person tells me how I feel or what I mean... I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I MEAN/FEEL BECAUSE I'M THE ONE WHO MEANS/FEELS IT...

Throughout this conversation, I realized something... Nicole's attitude towards me had changed... her indifference towards me had faded and I realized that she did actually care about me... here was a chick who could literally have any guy she wanted but she wanted me... I wasn't used to that... I'm always the one who reveals my feelings first... I'm the one who always has to guess if a chick is really feeling me but here was Nicole telling me that if I wanted her, I had to show it, mean it, convey it... could I do that? Would my heart allow it? I guess we'd see...

Months later, on Easter Sunday, I asked her to be my girlfriend while I was waiting on a bus back to school... we'd just spent the weekend together and for the first time in a long time, a relationship just made complete sense to me... while Nicole had never pressured me in anyway for a relationship, she did require time and attention and I figured if I was willing to give her this time and attention, it only seemed right that we move it in a monogamous direction...

I'd love to say it's been all smiles and giggles since then but it's been anything but... we've officially broken up once, unofficially broken up three other times and damn-near broke up dozens of times... but just the other day, we hit the four-month mark and things are starting to smooth out... we're past the petty arguments and we've gotten to the point where we've decided that we want to be together for the long haul... we've discussed marriage at length and I, for once, feel in my heart that she wants it to work... we're not talking about marriage because she thinks its cute or discussing weddings so she can tell all her friends about it... we genuinely want to be married to each other...

The thing about this that is so funny is that while I haven't asked her (at least not with a 3-carat ring, down on one knee while I profess my love to her) we already have colors (four shades of purple and grey), a date (January 1, 2011) and the number of guests (VERY EXCLUSIVE... less that 75 people)... not a whole lot to go on but it's a start all things considered...

This is what has sparked this blog... you see, growing up with all women (a mother, three sisters, two grandmothers, a bevy of opinionated aunts, etc. etc.) has given me a lot of traits that most men either 1) won't admit to, 2) don't have or 3) haven't been taught... and while I am 1000% all man, I don't have another male I can confide in... there is my crazy little brother Jamal (who's currently overseas in Afghanistan keeping our country safe) and my homie Darren (who's just like Jamal but waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more reserved) but while I feel like I can throw certain things their way and have them give me an honest opinion, I don't feel like I can count on them to tell me to stick with it when it comes to relationships... like those nights when me and Nicole are beefing and I need somebody to tell me to bring me back down to earth and be with that girl I know Darren and Jamal are the types to be like "Man, fuck that shit... women are crazy anyway... just leave her ass..." and while I appreciate that sometimes (LOL... they'll always be my niggas) that's not what I need to hear at that particular moment...

And asking the women in my life is almost assuredly the way to be outvoted (ya'll women ALWAYS stick together... LOL) without anybody seeing my opinion/point-of-view... so I created this as an outlet... I could've easily put this on Where the World Goes When I Close My Eyes but I didn't want to have a blog where I was always airing out my relationship woes amidst all the random foolishness that goes on over there... so that will be the main focus... if you're still with me (and wow, you got some reading stamina if you are... LOL) then I can offer to give you nothing but honest insight... I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, I'm not gonna lie and I'm not gonna be overtly detailed... (i.e. I might say we had sex but I won't go into all the little tidbits... that's a little much... plus, she'd probably kill me... LOL)

I'm not sure how long this blog will last... for all I know, we're gonna break up tomorrow (at least temporarily... LOL) but I'm just doing this as an outlet to get out what I need to get out in the medium that works best for me... if that's not your cup of tea, hey, it is what it is...

100.