It's official. We've broken up.
For the third time in our almost six-month relationship, we've called it quits. These break-ups are usually the result of some misunderstanding in which we simply can't agree to disagree (or at least she can't... but I digress) and in a fit of frustration, one or both of us say
"fuck it" and start looking for the next one...
The first time we broke up, it was because of an on-going argument; the real details of it escape me now. But essentially, we had an argument and Nicole felt it was my duty to come to her and make up... instead, I did what I always do when faced with a tense situation: I stay to myself... while it's nothing for me to argue and apologize over and over, once I'm done with a situation, I'm done... because nothing's getting solved... it's just a bunch of yelling back and forth and back and forth and it's just not worth it... rather than continuously engaging in the same clusterfuck of an argument, I'd rather just get on my laptop and leave it alone until cooler heads can prevail... we didn't talk for the the next 24 hours... finally, we were able to talk and after about a two-hour conversation, we decided to get back together...
The second time we broke up, it was because of a comment I made in passing... we were coming back from grocery shopping if I'm not mistaken and I made a comment to the extent of
"If I were to ever get into an accident, I still wouldn't go to to church every Sunday because that's being fake... you should go to church because you feel compelled to do so not because you feel like you have to show some type of fake gratefulness to the Lord." And like always, I don't think much about the things that come out of my mouth after I say them but Nicole held to it... she said simply,
"Well, if you don't want to go to church then we don't need to be together..." That was pretty much it for that conversation... we didn't talk much about it after that but to be honest, for the rest of the night, she didn't really speak to me much either... I didn't think anything of it really because it was already late and I could tell she was tired so when she went upstairs and went to bed, I didn't think twice about it... the next morning, something about her body language was telling me that was something was wrong... I tried to talk to her, joke with her, etc. but she wasn't having it... finally she ended up telling me that she was upset that our relationship was ending...
Wait. What?
Apparently, she meant the comment about me not going to church and felt that we had broken up... even though I understand the reasoning (a couple should not be unequally yoked) I didn't see why it was a reason to break up... just because I don't feel it's necessary to go to church EVERY, SINGLE Sunday, doesn't mean I love God any less or take any of my blessings for granted... but for her, that just wasn't good enough... she goes on to tell me that she was raised in a house where you go to church every Sunday (NOTE: she doesn't go to church every Sunday now though... ironic, huh?) and that her family would be doing likewise... to me, this wasn't a stupid argument... but it was a stupid thing to break up over... she felt like she would be begging me to go to church with her or that I would make up excuses not to go... now, in the past, this HAS happened... and there were certain reasons for doing so but I don't think that's the case here... in fact, the one time she did ask me to go, I went without an argument (well, except for what I wanted to wear, but that's a different story altogether...) In any event, we talked it out, prayed on it and decided that we'd continue our relationship...
Which brings us to Break-up Number Three. To me, this was The Big One. The first one that ever caused me to change my relationship status from "in a relationship" to "single" on Facebook (you know it's not official until the change happens there... LOL) It all started on Tuesday... well actually, it started on Monday... for whatever reason, I stayed up all night on Monday... literally... I didn't sleep the entire night... I have these bouts of insomnia and they're really hard to do deal with at times and with me not being an avid coffee/energy drink consumer, it makes it even HARDER to deal with... on Tuesdays, I'm in class from 9:30 AM to 9:30 PM so not sleeping is the absolute LAST thing that I need... but it was something that I had to deal with... needless to say, by the time I got back to my room around 10 that night, I was exhausted... so exhausted that I fell asleep on Nicole mid-telephone-conversation, something that NEVER happens... the next day, I woke up sick, something that almost always happens whenever I've suffered from a lack of sleep... I guess it's my body's way of telling me that I really need to get some rest... I texted Nicole and told her I wasn't feeling well and for most of the day Wednesday I slept... it was after 6 in the afternoon before I was finally awake for more than 20 minutes...
Around 7, I get a call that goes something like this:
"Hello?""What are you doing?""Nothing really. Just watching TV.""Oh really? Well, I just wanted to know what was so important that you couldn't call me but since you're so busy watching TV just go back to doing that. Bye."*click*The hell just happened? I must still be sleeping because there's no way she just called and acted like I was ignoring her... after a call-back, it turns out she feels that since we didn't talk last night and she got off at 5, then I should be doing everything in my power to talk to her and see how her day went... this is where this argument REALLY begins... Nicole and I have gone back and forth on this a million times and it's seemingly not going anywhere... she feels that if she calls me more than I call her, then it means she's begging for attention and that, in a relationship, she shouldn't have to do that... and I agree, she shouldn't have to beg for attention... but in my defense, I don't see it like that... if I'm home, doing nothing and you're just getting off work, what's wrong with you calling me when you get off? Just because I know what time you get off, that doesn't mean you don't have something else to do after work... you could be going to hang out with some friends... you might have homework... I mean, who knows? I'm not busy but at certain times of the day, you are... so just call me when you're not... Nicole, however, feels that I should call her anyway and if she's busy, then she'll just tell me that she'll call me back later... to me, that's just a waste of time and makes close to zero sense but I digress...
This time around, it's more though... she brings up the fact that I'm not giving her enough attention and to me, I feel like she's being inconsiderate... I'm sick... it's not like I'm playing Madden or BSing with my roommate... I'm laid up in the bed... to her, that's not an excuse... for the rest of the night, like always, I don't wanna talk to her... I'm not in a bad mood but I don't feel like dealing with this... it's a stupid argument in my mind and I don't understand the purpose of it... that's when it hits me: my girl has a serious anger problem... it's more than just your average aggressive Black womaness... the fact that every time she gets angry, she holds me accountable... the fact that she's upset with a sick person for not showing her enough attention... the fact that small debates turn into huge arguments lets me know... the next morning, I text her that we need to talk... her response?
"No, we don't."WTF? Excuse me? After the millions and millions of times that she would say
"we need to talk" that end up being continuous nagging sessions about the things I either a) am not doing, b) need to do better or c) are not my fault but need to be held accountable for, this is the one time I want to about something that is bothering me and it's a problem? That let me know that it was over... if I'm expected to compromise on aspects of this relationship, I feel that I should get that same respect... the unwillingness to do so, lets me know that, there's no point in continuing this... of course, later that night, more arguments, more nonsense... but it's still not a done deal quite yet... then she drops the bomb on me...
"Maybe we're just moving too fast... we just need to slow down and I'll just see you when I see you..."Excuse me? Who are you talking to? Certainly not me... it's one thing if we're two people who AREN'T in a relationship because in that type of sitaution, that's the ONLY thing that should be said... during my singlehood my motto was
"Our time to together is our time together and our time apart is our time apart..." (Jay-Z's a fucking genius...) but in the realm of a relationship, that's simply unacceptable... especially one like ours which is semi-long-distance (I go to school about an hour and a half away)
"I'll see you when I see you"? The irony of this situation is that I don't feel the need to talk to Nicole as often as I do... because most times what we talk about is random fodder... and I'm not saying I don't appreciate the time we spend talking but it's not like we're talking about any life-changing stuff though... I don't see the need to always talk simply for the sake of talking... but that physical interaction (not
THAT physical interaction... get your minds outta the gutter...) is NECESSARY... we need to be around each other as much as possible because we don't see each other that much... so if you're mindset is
"I'll see you when I see you," then clearly, I need to go do me and let you do you... there's entirely too many females that WANT to spend time with me for me to be in a relationship where my girl doesn't want that... and on this night, I was done... I told her so and confirmed it on Facebook to make it even more concrete... and for the first time in any of our breakups, I was committed to that shit... anybody who can't have at least a little sympathy for me being sick and who feels that our time together isn't necessary is not somebody I want to spend time with... I didn't expect us to get back together and, most importantly, I didn't want us to... period...
The next morning, I get this in a text message:
"After all we've been through, you're just going to change your facebook status to single?" Are we not broken up? Why should I keep it as "in a relationship" if we're not? It's not like I was doing it to be an asshole (even though we both know, whoever breaks up with the other first has all the power... LOL) but I didn't see any point of keeping my status the same if it had, in fact, changed... another small argument ensues and at this point, I'm tired... you're not my girl, so why am I wasting time arguing? With that mindset (and still a little weary from illness) I fall asleep...
When I wake up, the mood has softened... she seems sad, hurt and almost apologetic (which would be life-changing because Nicole NEVER apologizes...
*sarcasm* hard to apologize when you never think you're at fault... *sarcasm* but I digress...) I'm still not wavering... until she actually says she's sorry, it's a wrap for me... I couldn't care less about how sad or hurt she is... that's when it happens... she tells me she's on the way to Greenville...
Upon arrival, we kinda just sit in the car... we're not really talking but we're not ignoring each other either... she makes small talk but nothing too major... soon, one of her friends call and I let out a sigh of relief... uncomfortable silences make me itch... after talking with the friend, she seems to open up more...
Of course, we talk and make up and finally Break-up Number Three is over... she says she's sorry for the arguments and that she's sorry for everything... I apologize too (even though I don't think I've really done anything wrong) and we move past it...
That was three days ago and I wish I could say things are better than ever but honestly, things are just lukewarm... I'm not going to say I'm still worried about the break up because I'm honestly not... it's in the past... it's over... but I honestly wonder if she's going to actively check her attitude or if it's just a matter of time before Break-up Number Four makes its debut... guess we'll see soon...
100.
