"I Want the Money, Money and the Cars, Cars and the Clothes... the Hoes..."

They say that behind every successful man is a good woman... it seems to me that behind every successful man is a unfulfilled, uncared for woman along with a bunch of other female "playthings" and some illegitimate kids...

This post stems from a movie I watched this weekend, The Distinguished Gentleman with Eddie Murphy... for those who haven't seen it, Eddie Murphy stars as a conman who becomes a con(gress)man on "name recognition" only for the monetary aspects of the job but soon develops a conscience, falls in love, etc. etc. He's not the person I'm most concerned with... it was some of the congressmen who were just on some straight (legal) kingpin shit with how much money they were making from lobbyists and the like... dudes were smashing their secretaries... buying people off... the corruption was straight seeping through their pores it was so crazy... and this is the type of thing that scares me...

While I certainly am no moral compass for ANYONE to follow, I think for the most part I'm a good dude... but in the grand realm of things, I'm not successful yet... I'm weeks away from graduation and that is only the start of my grand list of accomplishments that I have left before me on my journey through life... not to gas myself up, but I'm too smart and too talented to live a life of mediocrity... but this is what worries me: can a man be successful but still maintain his morality? Back in the days when I did go to church, I used to think the strangest statement was "it's hard for a rich man to get into heaven"... it just didn't make any sense to me because at the time I felt that a rich man was more blessed than anyone and probably prayed and thanked God for what he had more than anybody else (I was a naive little boy, I'll tell you that much...) As I've gotten older, I think it's fair to say that the more successful you are, the harder it is to maintain a sense of morals...

As much as it pains me to say, women corrupt successful men... not women in general, but certain women (we and they know who they are) and that's not to say that a man simply can't resist the charms of a woman... but I think it lies in this simple statement: men don't get called beautiful... I mean think about it... from the time a girl is an infant until she dies, she's called beautiful (or at least some crude term of attractiveness)... there isn't a woman I know who doesn't get game spit to her at least five times a day, my girlfriend included, that backs up this statement...

Men, however, don't get dealt this luxury... in fact, it's quite the opposite... dealing with rejection is embedded in a man's psyche so much that it's almost expected to be rejected by the majority of the women we try to get at... the catch-22 here is it's human nature to feel wanted and accepted so most often, men have to judge by another gauge: the women we can bed... as bad as it sounds, I think it's the truth... but I think this is also where the problem lies... if you're a guy who's been overlooked all your life because of various reasons and then all of a sudden, you become successful, you got a little money in your pocket, a nice house, a nice car and then to add to the top of it, you got women coming at you from every direction, it HAS to be difficult to deal with that... and this is what scares me more than anything... I mean, don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of women in the past 24 years but being successful can ONLY add to the appeal I already have...

I mean, I've never been a cheater (I've been DAMMMMN close at times) but it's only because I tend to keep away from situations that would result in me doing so... and in college, that's not hard... don't get drunk at parties where drunk, uninhibited females will be... don't have chicks in your room after a certain hour (because it's an ugly fact that men--or at least I-- have the worst thoughts after 11 PM)... and generally, stay away from females that you are attracted to and vice versa... however, once you're out in the real world, these lines become a little blurred and it's hard to stay out of a situation where you might be attracted to someone or to avoid a woman who's throwing not-so-subtle hints your way...

So I guess after typing all this, I'm asking for people's point of view... for the men, do you find it hard to maintain your relationship with a higher achieved level of success? Do you often find more and more women coming at you because of that success? How do you deal with it? And for the women, what is it about a successful man that makes women just come at you so hard? I understand the stability factor but is there more to it? Have you ever dealt with a man who became successful and then all of a sudden, he felt you just weren't good enough for him?

100.

"They Say I Walk Around Like I Got an 'S' on My Chest..."

Two things: 1) I love Nicole. 2) I hate cops.

This doesn't stem from some type of deep-seeded racial sentiment or some psuedo-political agenda about police brutality... I just feel like the police feel that they're above the law (and with the way the justice system seems to work most of the time, it appears that they are) and above respecting people and this is my problem with them...

Nicole has had some issues with cops lately (some of it her own fault) and because of these issues, it's making me hate them even more... the other night, we're coming back from Wal-mart... her family had come into town to help her move into our new townhouse and I wanted to make everybody breakfast in the morning...

We're driving down the street when we see the blue boys behind us... we weren't speeding... hadn't ran any red lights... to be honest, we were black people out at 2 AM in a car and that's really all you need for the police to pull you over... but I digress... so the dude pulls us over... Nicole asks what the problem is while handing over her ID and registration... the officer says "I'll tell you as soon as I see who I'm talking to..."

Evil Thought 1 = "Who does this dude think he is? I should get out this car and..." At this point, I'm already pissed because if this were any other dude, I'd knock his head off his shoulders for being so disrespectful to my woman... but since he's police (who seem to be very apt at shooting black people especially when it doesn't warrant it) what can I do? If I even say something in the wrong tone, he's liable to shoot all of us, say we resisted arrest and then get a medal of honor for taking down three criminals innocent black people who weren't doing anything wrong and just want to go home...

After looking at her ID, he asks her where she lives... Evil Thought 2 = "YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE ID... why does she need to tell you address again? Do you think it's fake or something? I should get out this car and..." Finally he reveals that we missed a stop sign that we indeed DID NOT miss and proceeds to go back to his car... this entire time, I am SEETHING... not just because of how he's handling the situation but because I'm helpless... as her man, I should be able to be Superman... nothing should be able to get to her with me beside her because I should be able to effectively neutralize the situation whether it be some type of out-of-line male, nuclear holocaust or what have you...

Literally 20 minutes later, the dude comes back to the car and (you're gonna love this) when Nicole asks about the ticket, the dude says "It's all at the bottom of the ticket" and just walks off without even saying "drive safely" or "goodnight"... what happened to "Serve and Protect"? I guess the new line is "Shoot and Harrass..." Evil Thought 3 = "Yo, you're being WIIIILD disrespectful right now... we could all kill this dude right now and dump his body in the woods... nobody would know... I should get out this car and..." Nicole looks at it and it's a $180 ticket ($130 of it in court costs) Evil Thought 4 = "Really my dude? You're gonna not only pull us over, be disrespectful but you're also going to give us this ticket on a totally bogus charge? I should get out this car and..."

At this point, I have to make a decision: I can either be the angry black male, solving nothing and effectively getting my already-riled-up girlfriend even MORE riled up ORRRRR I can be the supportive boyfriend who tries to make her laugh, effectively ending her anger and keeping things from getting too hostile... I decided to be the latter... and I tried, I REALLY tried... but the ABM showed up a few times and it got to the point where she had to calm ME down... LOL...

There aren't many things that make me feel emasculated but this is one thing that always will, no matter how hard I try to not let it get to me... I know I don't have many male readers and I'm not sure that my females will really understand it (it's just one of those innate "guy things") and even though Nicole hasn't said anything to me about it, I can't help but feel like I let her down even though I'm not sure what I could have done differently... I'm just confused and frustrated, two things I don't ever care to be more than necessary... I don't have a moral to the story with this post, I'm just ranting... thanks for reading...

100.

"I Did Not... Have... Sexual Relations... With That Woman..."

Let the record show: I am not a cheater.

I've never cheated in my life... I've been INCREDIBLY close before but I haven't... and this isn't because I'm some type of moral superman who's simply above the temptations of having sex with someone I'm not in a relationship with... it's simply that, more often than not, I choose not to put myself into situations where something could pop off... I have a lot of female friends... some I've had sexual histories with, some I'm simply attracted to, some are just friends... but the facts are this: if I even have the smallest inkling that something could potentially happen, our friendship ends at text messages... even phone calls are a little too much in that type of situation...

This is especially the case with a friend of mine named Chaundra*... me and Chaundra met about a year ago back when I was on a "no-relationship" kick... we weren't sex buddies or anything like that... we did get a little "hands on" in one particular instance but that was really the extent of it... since she goes to school a few hours away, it was only natural that nothing would really develop from it... but we remained friends... we'd flirt and whatnot... maybe talk about our "hands on" experience...

Since then, we've only hung out once and there was so much sexual tension in the air, it was all I could do to keep from ripping her clothes off... this was all before I made it official with Nicole however... since I've made things official with her, I just don't feel right being around Chaundra... but she's intent on having me coming to visit her just to hang out and whatnot... but I just can't do it...

For one, that sexual tension is still there and probably always will be until something physical jumps off... secondly, if I were to go visit, with her being so far away and me being on a college student's budget, I'm pretty sure I'd end up spending the night instead of getting a hotel room... which means, I'd end up having sex with her... I mean, I don't want to put it so blunt but I'm just being honest... now, she's assured me that she wouldn't let that happen but let's be serious... you put two people in a room that are sexually attracted to each other with no way of getting caught, why wouldn't it pop off? Especially ones with a semi-sexual past? What could stop it?

So when I explained this to Chaundra, she made it seem like I was making too big a deal out of it... but am I? I'm thinking about my relationship here... I know my threshold when it comes to sex and honestly, I'm weak... LOL... I'm not afraid to admit it... I mean, it's one thing to cheat because you're selfish and want to fuck every girl in the world... it's quite another when you're trying to be faithful... now see, any other guy would take advantage of the situation and go smash this girl but I just don't want to put myself into a situation that I know I will end up regretting...

So now Chaundra's telling me I'm not a real friend because friends should be able to hang out with any problems... this is when my bullshit meter starts going off... that reverse psychology crap only works on 6-year-olds and naive people... see, she wants me to prove that our friendship is strong enough to make it through this thing and all that by coming up there to visit anyway but it's just dumb if you ask me... it's like if you're dieting and you keep cake in the refrigerator so you can try to prove how great your will power is... no matter, if you go three days, three weeks or six months without eating that cake, if you keep it in the refrigerator, you're going to eventually you're going to eat it (figuratively of course... nobody should be eating six month old cake...)

Not to mention... how am I going to explain to Nicole that I'm spending the night at some girl's house? LOL... you think she's having that shit? No siiiiiiiiirrrr... I just think it's better for everyone if I keep my dic--I mean, keep myself here where I am...

100.

*Names have been changed

"Ummm Nah, I'm Good..."

How do you tell the woman you love that her taste in clothing sucks?

Ok, let me rephrase that... while Nicole is a very fashionable person in relation to her clothes and the clothes she picks out for other people, when it comes to me, to put it plainly,she fails... of all the things she's bought me since we've been together, I've only liked two items and one I picked out...

Everything else, the red polo with the way-too-long sleeves, the rust-orange-and-black plaid shirt, the green shirt with the Ed Hardy type graphic to go with the black jeans that are WAAAAAY too fucking big... and that doesn't count all the other items she TRIED to get me... *sighhhhh* if she was somebody who just had poor taste in general, this wouldn't be that hard... but the fact is, she has really good insight when it comes to dressing herself... but when it comes to me, I just... ionno... bless her heart, she tries but she fails miserably...

I'm a simple type dude so it's not like I'm that hard to shop for... but I like certain colors, certain cuts... and I've explained this to her but she still is intent on dressing me like some other guy... LOL... I don't know if this is just how her exes dressed or something but it's just not my style...

So I need some insight... how do I tell her to stop buying me clothes (without my prior knowledge) without coming off as mean or ungrateful? I'm only asking because chances are if I go off of my own natural instincts, we're gonna break up again... LOL... I'm not always the most tactful in situations like this... I appreciate it ahead of time...

100.

"Break-ups to Make-ups..."

It's official. We've broken up.

For the third time in our almost six-month relationship, we've called it quits. These break-ups are usually the result of some misunderstanding in which we simply can't agree to disagree (or at least she can't... but I digress) and in a fit of frustration, one or both of us say "fuck it" and start looking for the next one...

The first time we broke up, it was because of an on-going argument; the real details of it escape me now. But essentially, we had an argument and Nicole felt it was my duty to come to her and make up... instead, I did what I always do when faced with a tense situation: I stay to myself... while it's nothing for me to argue and apologize over and over, once I'm done with a situation, I'm done... because nothing's getting solved... it's just a bunch of yelling back and forth and back and forth and it's just not worth it... rather than continuously engaging in the same clusterfuck of an argument, I'd rather just get on my laptop and leave it alone until cooler heads can prevail... we didn't talk for the the next 24 hours... finally, we were able to talk and after about a two-hour conversation, we decided to get back together...

The second time we broke up, it was because of a comment I made in passing... we were coming back from grocery shopping if I'm not mistaken and I made a comment to the extent of "If I were to ever get into an accident, I still wouldn't go to to church every Sunday because that's being fake... you should go to church because you feel compelled to do so not because you feel like you have to show some type of fake gratefulness to the Lord." And like always, I don't think much about the things that come out of my mouth after I say them but Nicole held to it... she said simply, "Well, if you don't want to go to church then we don't need to be together..." That was pretty much it for that conversation... we didn't talk much about it after that but to be honest, for the rest of the night, she didn't really speak to me much either... I didn't think anything of it really because it was already late and I could tell she was tired so when she went upstairs and went to bed, I didn't think twice about it... the next morning, something about her body language was telling me that was something was wrong... I tried to talk to her, joke with her, etc. but she wasn't having it... finally she ended up telling me that she was upset that our relationship was ending...

Wait. What?

Apparently, she meant the comment about me not going to church and felt that we had broken up... even though I understand the reasoning (a couple should not be unequally yoked) I didn't see why it was a reason to break up... just because I don't feel it's necessary to go to church EVERY, SINGLE Sunday, doesn't mean I love God any less or take any of my blessings for granted... but for her, that just wasn't good enough... she goes on to tell me that she was raised in a house where you go to church every Sunday (NOTE: she doesn't go to church every Sunday now though... ironic, huh?) and that her family would be doing likewise... to me, this wasn't a stupid argument... but it was a stupid thing to break up over... she felt like she would be begging me to go to church with her or that I would make up excuses not to go... now, in the past, this HAS happened... and there were certain reasons for doing so but I don't think that's the case here... in fact, the one time she did ask me to go, I went without an argument (well, except for what I wanted to wear, but that's a different story altogether...) In any event, we talked it out, prayed on it and decided that we'd continue our relationship...

Which brings us to Break-up Number Three. To me, this was The Big One. The first one that ever caused me to change my relationship status from "in a relationship" to "single" on Facebook (you know it's not official until the change happens there... LOL) It all started on Tuesday... well actually, it started on Monday... for whatever reason, I stayed up all night on Monday... literally... I didn't sleep the entire night... I have these bouts of insomnia and they're really hard to do deal with at times and with me not being an avid coffee/energy drink consumer, it makes it even HARDER to deal with... on Tuesdays, I'm in class from 9:30 AM to 9:30 PM so not sleeping is the absolute LAST thing that I need... but it was something that I had to deal with... needless to say, by the time I got back to my room around 10 that night, I was exhausted... so exhausted that I fell asleep on Nicole mid-telephone-conversation, something that NEVER happens... the next day, I woke up sick, something that almost always happens whenever I've suffered from a lack of sleep... I guess it's my body's way of telling me that I really need to get some rest... I texted Nicole and told her I wasn't feeling well and for most of the day Wednesday I slept... it was after 6 in the afternoon before I was finally awake for more than 20 minutes...

Around 7, I get a call that goes something like this:

"Hello?"
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing really. Just watching TV."
"Oh really? Well, I just wanted to know what was so important that you couldn't call me but since you're so busy watching TV just go back to doing that. Bye."
*click*

The hell just happened? I must still be sleeping because there's no way she just called and acted like I was ignoring her... after a call-back, it turns out she feels that since we didn't talk last night and she got off at 5, then I should be doing everything in my power to talk to her and see how her day went... this is where this argument REALLY begins... Nicole and I have gone back and forth on this a million times and it's seemingly not going anywhere... she feels that if she calls me more than I call her, then it means she's begging for attention and that, in a relationship, she shouldn't have to do that... and I agree, she shouldn't have to beg for attention... but in my defense, I don't see it like that... if I'm home, doing nothing and you're just getting off work, what's wrong with you calling me when you get off? Just because I know what time you get off, that doesn't mean you don't have something else to do after work... you could be going to hang out with some friends... you might have homework... I mean, who knows? I'm not busy but at certain times of the day, you are... so just call me when you're not... Nicole, however, feels that I should call her anyway and if she's busy, then she'll just tell me that she'll call me back later... to me, that's just a waste of time and makes close to zero sense but I digress...

This time around, it's more though... she brings up the fact that I'm not giving her enough attention and to me, I feel like she's being inconsiderate... I'm sick... it's not like I'm playing Madden or BSing with my roommate... I'm laid up in the bed... to her, that's not an excuse... for the rest of the night, like always, I don't wanna talk to her... I'm not in a bad mood but I don't feel like dealing with this... it's a stupid argument in my mind and I don't understand the purpose of it... that's when it hits me: my girl has a serious anger problem... it's more than just your average aggressive Black womaness... the fact that every time she gets angry, she holds me accountable... the fact that she's upset with a sick person for not showing her enough attention... the fact that small debates turn into huge arguments lets me know... the next morning, I text her that we need to talk... her response?

"No, we don't."

WTF? Excuse me? After the millions and millions of times that she would say "we need to talk" that end up being continuous nagging sessions about the things I either a) am not doing, b) need to do better or c) are not my fault but need to be held accountable for, this is the one time I want to about something that is bothering me and it's a problem? That let me know that it was over... if I'm expected to compromise on aspects of this relationship, I feel that I should get that same respect... the unwillingness to do so, lets me know that, there's no point in continuing this... of course, later that night, more arguments, more nonsense... but it's still not a done deal quite yet... then she drops the bomb on me...

"Maybe we're just moving too fast... we just need to slow down and I'll just see you when I see you..."

Excuse me? Who are you talking to? Certainly not me... it's one thing if we're two people who AREN'T in a relationship because in that type of sitaution, that's the ONLY thing that should be said... during my singlehood my motto was "Our time to together is our time together and our time apart is our time apart..." (Jay-Z's a fucking genius...) but in the realm of a relationship, that's simply unacceptable... especially one like ours which is semi-long-distance (I go to school about an hour and a half away)

"I'll see you when I see you"? The irony of this situation is that I don't feel the need to talk to Nicole as often as I do... because most times what we talk about is random fodder... and I'm not saying I don't appreciate the time we spend talking but it's not like we're talking about any life-changing stuff though... I don't see the need to always talk simply for the sake of talking... but that physical interaction (not THAT physical interaction... get your minds outta the gutter...) is NECESSARY... we need to be around each other as much as possible because we don't see each other that much... so if you're mindset is "I'll see you when I see you," then clearly, I need to go do me and let you do you... there's entirely too many females that WANT to spend time with me for me to be in a relationship where my girl doesn't want that... and on this night, I was done... I told her so and confirmed it on Facebook to make it even more concrete... and for the first time in any of our breakups, I was committed to that shit... anybody who can't have at least a little sympathy for me being sick and who feels that our time together isn't necessary is not somebody I want to spend time with... I didn't expect us to get back together and, most importantly, I didn't want us to... period...

The next morning, I get this in a text message: "After all we've been through, you're just going to change your facebook status to single?" Are we not broken up? Why should I keep it as "in a relationship" if we're not? It's not like I was doing it to be an asshole (even though we both know, whoever breaks up with the other first has all the power... LOL) but I didn't see any point of keeping my status the same if it had, in fact, changed... another small argument ensues and at this point, I'm tired... you're not my girl, so why am I wasting time arguing? With that mindset (and still a little weary from illness) I fall asleep...

When I wake up, the mood has softened... she seems sad, hurt and almost apologetic (which would be life-changing because Nicole NEVER apologizes... *sarcasm* hard to apologize when you never think you're at fault... *sarcasm* but I digress...) I'm still not wavering... until she actually says she's sorry, it's a wrap for me... I couldn't care less about how sad or hurt she is... that's when it happens... she tells me she's on the way to Greenville...

Upon arrival, we kinda just sit in the car... we're not really talking but we're not ignoring each other either... she makes small talk but nothing too major... soon, one of her friends call and I let out a sigh of relief... uncomfortable silences make me itch... after talking with the friend, she seems to open up more...

Of course, we talk and make up and finally Break-up Number Three is over... she says she's sorry for the arguments and that she's sorry for everything... I apologize too (even though I don't think I've really done anything wrong) and we move past it...

That was three days ago and I wish I could say things are better than ever but honestly, things are just lukewarm... I'm not going to say I'm still worried about the break up because I'm honestly not... it's in the past... it's over... but I honestly wonder if she's going to actively check her attitude or if it's just a matter of time before Break-up Number Four makes its debut... guess we'll see soon...

100.

"The Newest Addition to the Family..."

He's only 6 days old (and it'll be another five weeks before we can bring him home) but he is the newest addition to the family... we don't have a name yet but we're definitely taking suggestions... so far we've come up with Orion, Chugs (I refuse to call him Chuggie like Nicole is... LOL), Meko, Champ and Caesar... he's not supposed to get very big which is kinda ideal since we're only getting a townhouse... but once we get our own home, I'm planning to get an American bulldog...

In related news, the people we're getting this puppy from had to be some of the scariest people I've ever met in my life... LOL... like, seriously... first off, the road to get there was like one way and it was DEEEEEEEP in the woods... luckily it was still light out or I woulda been like "fuck that... the Klan probably lives down there..." then the lady that came out looked like a damn linebacker and her arms were all ate with bug bites... it was just strange... it looked like the start of some type of horror/torture film... LOL... but they were nice enough people...

Just wanted to share...

100.

"That Nigga a Lame Anyway..."

So today, I'm perusing my baby's Facebook looking for something I can leave a comment on... (we're not a lovey-dovey couple by any means but I like to let her know I care about her via the Internet sometimes... LOL) Nicole is like a goddess to the people that know her... LOL... I always call them her "fans" so it's not unusual for me to go on her page and see a lot of traffic from both men and women... and me being the dude I am, I don't let the male attention really get to me because 1) as long as nobody gets out of pocket, I don't need to check them and 2) if someone DOES get out of pocket, Nicole will check that shit WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY before I even need to step in and handle the situation (one thing I absolutely love about her...)

*NOTE: I hate those chicks that will talk mad shit to some random dude out in public and then expect her man to handle the situation... I mean, it's one thing to protect her honor... if a dude gets out of his car because of some road rage*, I'll handle that... I mean, if he's planning to do physical harm to her, then I'm not going to stand by and let that happen... but if a chick is just going in on this dude and says to me "Yo, get your bitch..." don't expect me to whup this nigga's ass for disrespecting you when you were disrespecting him first... that's all I'm saying... now if the nigga is just being blatantly disrespectful, I'll handle that quick, fast and in a hurry but don't egg a nigga on and then expect for me to "fight your battle for you" so to speak...
OK, in any event, I'm on her page and I'm seeing these comments from a dude named Ricky**... now Nicole has told me about A Ricky but I wasn't sure if this was the same one or just some other Ricky... and like I said, me being the type of dude I am, I'm not just gonna go ham on some dude that MIGHT be the one who she was talking about... Ricky is Nicole's ex... a past nigga who I really see any point in acknowledging because he's a past nigga... and it's not on some "Oh, he's this and that and I'm better than him..." or anything like that I just don't acknowledge exes... it's beyond corny to me...

So to make a long story short, I see Ricky making some comments like he feels some type of way about what's going on between me and Nicole... little stuff like "Oh this is the dude you left me for?" and "That nigga a lame anyway..." Little silly shit that's not even for me to address... Nicole, God bless her, has dated what you would call "thugs" in the past... I don't know each one's story, so I'm not here to judge them... but I'm not what one would call a thug... at least not currently... I mean, I'm a college, internet-geek, book-reading type nigga to them... unbeknownst to most people, I actually come from an environment where I HAD to do violent things... I'd been in anger management twice by the age of 11... I've been in gangs... I've been in the middle of shootouts... I've had a very violent past... I mean, I haven't been stabbed or shot or sold drugs or anything like that (that's both by the grace of God and not being stupid in certain situations...) but my hood card is certifiably stamped... I don't talk about it because what's the point of bringing it up? It's lame to me... but I hate when a dude who's "in the streets" will try to call me out for being in college... I'm getting a degree so I don't HAVE to be in the streets...

But I digress, this dude commenced to telling Nicole that they had history (they were together off and on for eight years) and that I can't love her like he does... a whole bunch of regular nigga shit... but in any event, after he was finished saying what he had to say, Nicole deaded the situation... we had a good (couple) laughs about it last night and it's a wrap for dude... I guess I've just never understood this whole thing... I mean, with the exception of my last ex, I've never really tried to get outta pocket (and even that was mild by most accounts...) with me, usually once a relationship is over, I let it be over... I'm usually so relieved that I can go fuck, date, hang out with anybody I want to that I could really care less about what she and some other nigga are doing (sans my "I hope you get AIDS" comment from the last blog... LOL) I've just never been overly concerned with it...

Why is that when we're in a bad relationship (or friendship, for that matter) it's so hard to let go? I mean, sure we all see the potential in where a relationship can go... but when it's made clear that it won't go in that direction, shouldn't we be happy that it's ending? I know for me, I'm a hopeless romantic and often have plans of grandeur when it comes to each and every relationship... I tend to see the good in them... well I take that back... I see the good and the bad, I just tend to FOCUS on the good in them... but once the relationship ends, I think about how the relationship was going and it's like "why the hell did I even bother with her for so long...?" and i breathe a sigh of relief that I don't have to deal with such a stressful situation anymore... I guess the bad outweighs the good in most situations... I mean, even the one relationship I can say was completely my fault... I still say it's good that I got out of it because years later, she ended up showing her true colors as a friend and I couldn't do anything but THANK GOD OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER that she and I never had anything more than a two-month relationship...

I guess in the grand scheme of things, relationships happen the way they're supposed to... I can see where my past relationships have molded me into a better man for Nicole just as I'm sure some things from her past have made her a better woman for me...

I notice that my last post and this one included exes and they'll probably be my last... I really want this blog to focus more on me and the future Mrs. Hard Work and I feel like bringing exes into the fray just isn't the direction I wanna go with...

100.

*This story will be coming up in a blog very soon... it's meant to be funny so I don't want ya'll to think my girl's psycho... she's really sweet, just has a bit of a temper problem...

**Not his real name...

"So Why You Ain't Tell Me You Got a Girlfriend...?"

Why is it that when you get a new girlfriend, your exes pop up asking why you didn't get at them about it? LOL... like it's your duty to inform them of you moving on with your life? I mean it's one thing if ya'll still talking, still having sex, etc... but if I haven't talked to you in six months, what gives you the impression that I should just call you up and say "hey, just wanted to let you know, I'm dating someone new..."?

This post is going to be about exes and all the funny, rude, interesting things they've said to me since I've been with Nicole...


"So you love her now? I guess I ain't nobody to you no more..."
You were nobody to me before I loved her... LOL... my disdain for you comes not from having loved Nicole but from you acting like a huge bitch... two very independent facts that have nothing to do with each other...

"So you get a girlfriend and all of a sudden, you can't call nobody?"
I don't remember us talking in the year since we've broken up... you look on Facebook and see that I'm in a relationship and now all of a sudden, you're missing "what we had"? LOL... yeah, ok...

"I never stopped loving you... maybe if things don't work out with you and her, we can give it another chance..."
Ummmmmm... I'ma go with no... LOL... you had your chance to come back to me and didn't, so why would you choose to come back now just because I got a girl? You was nowhere to be seen when I was single... we broke up for a reason... and trust me, if me and Nicole were to break up, relationships will be the last thing from my mind as i would probalby turn into a huge man-whore...

"Well, I'm happy for you..."
This seemingly innocent quote is almost always full of sarcasm and evil... I mean, it's one thing if you're genuine about my happiness but when you just have that certain look in your eye or that twinge in your voice, I'ma always look at you sideways...


Why do exes always have that complex that you shouldn't be happy unless you're with them (even if they don't want you...) I'm guilty of this myself... I'll come across a picture of my ex with her new dude and will say "You bitch... I hope he gives you AIDS..." I know it's not right and I don't mean it (all the time) but why do we feel like our exes shouldn't be happy just because we weren't happy with them (or they weren't happy with us)?

"Octomom Can Mess Up Those Kids' Lives if She Wants... She Better Leave My Relationship Alone..."

"Baby, I feel ignored..."

Immediately, my eyes shoot up from my computer and over to Nicole... "why do you feel like that?"

"I just do."

"But why?"

"You just seem more concerned about your computer than me. You're not showing me any attention."

It's at this point that I close my computer.

Throughout our relationship together, Nicole has constantly told me how much she needs attention... and I get it... for whatever reason, women (at least the ones I know) need to know how pretty they are (everyday), how much they're loved (every hour) and much they need your attention (every five minutes)... clearly, I don't understand why it's necessary for a relationship to work but I still do it... (NOTE: this can prove to be detrimental as some women go by this thing I call the Ten Percent Principle which means that no matter how much attention they're given, they always want ten percent more... this usually leads to an argument about how you don't care enough and involves them stomping off... if one doesn't speak up, then they assume that this behavior is prudent and will stomp off and complain everytime they don't get their way... also known as The "Give-Them-an-Inch, They-Take-a-Mile" Conundrum...)

But I'm digressing... for the past hour, Nicole has had us watching this special on Octomom, Nadya Suleman... frankly, this chick is bonkers... I knew that before watching this special on FOX but Nicole seemed like she really wanted to watch it, so we watched it... albeit, her more attentively than me... I spent a good part of the hour reading blogs and looking at Facebook... I would make comments about what was going on (which was nothing more than general nonsense from what I observed) which would stifle little more than a laugh or a "I know right..." outta Nicole and then I would go back to doing what I was doing...

About 45 minutes into this, Nicole is on the phone but starts complaining about her stomach hurting and like I always do, I go over and rub her stomach... after a few minutes, I get up to go to the bathroom and when I get back, she's changed positions, taking up every inch of the couch and looking at the ceiling... so it's at this point, that I go back to my computer... after the show goes off, I turn it to the Preview Channel so she can find something else to watch and continue reading blogs...

This is when I get the whole "baby, I feel ignored" comment... and I don't understand it... to me, ignoring someone is when they're talking to you and you pay them no attention like they're not even there... that's not what's going on here... she hasn't said anything and neither have I... however, knowing that she feels neglected, I close my laptop and try to make small talk... I ask about a friend of hers whose grandmother has been sick... nothing... I ask if said friend came into work today... all I get is a "Mm-mmm..." then I asked if she went by the neighborhood office of the townhouse we're trying to move into which garners another "mm-mmm..." and it's at this point that I'm getting frustrated... and usually when I get frustrated, I shut down... not to be a jerk but simply to keep from getting more and more frustrated which will lead to me getting angry... Nicole, however, looks at this as me not caring enough to try to fix the problem... so tonight, I try to do this... I tell her that I didn't realize she felt ignored and that it wasn't my intent... of course, this leads to more silence and then she tells me "it's not a big deal and I'm not mad... let's just drop it..." which in Nicole-speak means "It's a big fucking deal... I AM mad and if you drop it, I'm going to kill you..." I try to show her that I don't want her to feel that way but it falls on deaf ears... she's turned over and isn't paying me any attention but still feels the need to tell me "she's not mad..."

I tell her that the only reason I was on my computer was that I didn't really want to watch this Octomom special which causes her to bring up this past Monday... obviously, I'm a guy which means that Mondays to me are reserved for two things: wrestling and Monday Night Football (which is finally back, thank God) However, these two things are not things that Nicole finds interesting so usually, I just take the L and catch up on Saturday nights with wrestling (when they replay Monday Night RAW) However, she knows that I am a big Panthers fan and they were on MNF so she didn't protest when I was watching... I also flipped back and forth between that and wrestling and all the while, she made dinner... around 10:30, she started complaining about how much longer it would be on and I realized my time had expired but I was cool all the same... she'd let me watch it uninterrupted for almost three hours... I was good... not to mention she'd cooked as well so I wasn't going to complain much...

So at this point, I ask how that's the same thing and she shuts down again... if she's assuming that because in the time that we've known each other, she's let me watch wrestling without complaining just this once, that I'm supposed to watch every little thing she wants me to, then she's got another thing coming... this goes into Family Guy (another show, which she apparently used to like but doesn't now) and now I'm really lost...

Let it be known that I watch a million things that Nicole likes that I wouldn't otherwise watch... this includes The First 48, Hawthorne and Making His Band on MTV just to name a few... the difference is, I don't whine and complain about not being entertained... just as I didn't with this whole Octomom situation... I didn't need a documentary to tell me that chick was off, I've known ever since she popped out those kids... if she wanted to watch, that was fine but I don't see why I had to be forced to watch it... even still, I made an effort to be entertained and made conversation about it... yet, she feels that I'm ignoring her? I don't get it...

This, of course, leads to Nicole giving me the silent treatment for the rest of the night and for once, it genuinely bothered me... I tried again to start up a conversation and was shut down... it was at this point, that I just went into the kitchen and cleaning up in order to keep from going the fuck off... I figured it'd also be a peace offering as it was something else she wouldn't have to do... boy was I wrong...

After putting the last dish in it's proper place, she comes in angry talking about how I threw away a bag that had some money in it and how she had to dig through the trash for it... now, had I remembered doing this, I would have apologized... but since I didn't, I asked her what bag she was talking about... and besides, she's never put money in the bag before... it either goes straight to her wallet or in her pocket... but this one time she puts it in there, she expects me to look inside first? Once again, I'm simply lost as she mumbles a response and retreats upstairs...

It was at this point, that I just considered it a lost cause... because it's no longer about her being ignored... she just wants to be angry and if that's what she wants, then fine... I'm not going to rack my brain about it... I finish cleaning up and contemplate if it's worth going through this nonsense for the next hundred years... sometimes, I just can't win for losing...

I hate Octomom.

"Girl, It's So Smoooooth and So Cream-ayyyy... You Got That Butt(er) Luv, Bab-ayyyyyyy..."

It started over butter...

Yeah, butter... somehow, an innocent quip about there not being any butter in the house led to a two-hour standoff about the problems of our relationship... I hate when this happens... for those that don't know, I'm not usually as excitable as I am in these blogs... I'm not passive aggressive by any means but it just takes a lot to get under my skin... I'm docile for the most part... I can understand how you, the reader, might get this confused as I come off as very lively when I post about what and how I'm feeling but your favorite blogger, your boy Hard Work, isn't overly aggressive... so this is why this argument made zero sense to me...

I'll set up the scene:
It's an early morning and, as usual on mornings, I want to make the wifey some breakfast... I ask her if she's hungry and before she answers, I remember we don't have any butter... which means we can't have that great French toast she loves so much because I refuse to use anything else (I'm just adamant about ingredients when it comes to food sometimes... LOL) so when I confess to her that we don't have any butter, she asks why didn't I remind her when she went to the store last night... I jokingly respond with this:

"I honestly forgot all about it... in my defense, I put it on the list..."

This, in turn, makes her proceed to go the fuck off... it's at this point, that I'm trying to figure out what's wrong and she tells me that she's making it seem like it's her fault... I ask her why she thinks I think it's her fault and it goes back to my whole "in my defense..." statement...

Now, I understand that if she didn't know me, how that would seem like I was blaming her... usually when somebody says "in my defense" they're placing the blame onto someone else... so it's perfectly reasonable for her to think that... if she didn't know me... unlike my beautiful future wife, I have no problem taking the blame for something if I did it... Nicole, however, will never accept the blame for anything... if she's angry, it's because someone made her that way, not because she's just angry... anytime we argue, it's constantly MY fault which I don't totally agree with (NOTE: I do however accept the fact that I usually make things worse but I don't agree that I'm the primary source of arguments...) So, when I said "I honestly forgot about it..." to me that's ME taking the blame for it (coupled with the fact that while I did write up a list, I never gave it to her...)

So in my mind, it's over... she misunderstood something I said, I corrected what she thought... everything should be good now...

No... no, not by a long shot...

This is when her favorite quote is presented: "It's not what you say, it's how you say it..." I understand this in the concept of someone you've never met before... like if I'm on the street and I'm rocking some kicks that aren't so fresh and somebody says to me "Nice shoes..." depending on how they say it, I could take it a couple ways... now they could see my sneakers and if they're a shoehead, they might see that I'm rocking a pair of vintage sneaks and think they're dope... if they're some kid who's always concerned with what's the newest thing out, they might look at what I have on and be trying to crack jokes... but like I said, that's something that's necessary if you don't know someone...

When you know someone, however, this becomes a little clearer... at least in my opinion... like I mentioned earlier, I'm not an aggressive person... I can be sarcastic but my tone is so recognizable that you KNOW when I'm being sarcastic... so whenever I hear Nicole tell me "it's how you say it, not what you say" it frustrates me to no end... for one, if I say something, then it's how I feel... period... I'm not one of those people that say "Nothing's wrong" when something clearly is... if I'm mad, I'll say it... if I'm happy, I say it... so I don't understand why Nicole would feel compelled to think about what I was TRYING to say instead of what I just said...

Even if the case is that you believe I was trying to say something, when I tell you that I'm not saying that and am, indeed, saying something else, that should end the argument... not make you madder...

And this is where the argument took off... I'll spare you the details but it includes her not feeling appreciated, ME not feeling appreciated, Basic Relationship Communication Problems 101 and a bunch of other things that need not be spoke of...

And to think... it all started over butter...